My Angel
by vampvixen01
Summary: SEQUEL TO SPARKLING ANGEL-Bella's in college, making friends&trying to be independent.When the Cullen's visit, how will they react&what drama will unfold as they try to accept Bella's choices&the fact that she's no longer 'innocent'.LEMONS IN LATER CHAPS.
1. New Beginnings

**A/N:** The first chapter of the sequel to 'Sparkling Angel' is here! I hope everyone enjoys it. Please review and let me know what you think because its strange for me not to write depressing fics.lol

FOR NEW READERS, READ 'SPARKLING ANGEL' FIRST OR YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THIS.

P.S: I just got back from the caribbean today, it was amazing!

* * *

**Bella's POV**

I sighed sleepily and stretched out on my new bed; waking slowly from a peaceful night's sleep. Life had changed drastically in the months following my graduation. Renee had returned home to Florida and Phil, bragging to anyone that would listen, friends, family, and strangers; that her daughter had been accepted to Harvard.

The Cullen's had left early for their trip to Denali under the premise of being eager to see Tanya. That was what Alice told me anyway. I personally believe it had something to do with Edward; who after our graduation ceremony left Forks unexpectedly and started the trip early. I didn't blame him really; no matter what has happened between us, I would be hurt if he came to me for information on a possible love. I regretted that deeply, however, there was nothing else I was capable of doing. Either way he'd have been hurt but I do wish that I was able to spare him some of the pain.

Alice kept in touch of course, calling me every other day with updates on the family. I'm not sure if those calls helped me at all or made things harder. I missed them desperately and in one way; hearing her high pitched voice made me miss them even more, yet in other's; it eased my burning desire for knowledge. Knowledge of what they were doing, where they were going, how they were and finally it cemented the fact that they hadn't forgotten me. I was grateful for that.

Christopher had been my rock during the times that I felt alone with the absence of my friends. Despite Charlie's belief that I was with Alice in Alaska, spending time with her before I went off to college alone, I actually had spent the summer in Seattle with Christopher; mostly resting silently in his apartment, just content to be with him. We knew I'd be going away to college soon and we both silently worried what affect that would have on our relationship; would we survive. One day those fears came out.

* * *

"_Bella, you have some mail." Christopher called from the doorway as I finished making myself breakfast._

_I placed the toast on a plate as I called back to him; "Thanks, can you leave it on the table."_

_With my presence in his home, he had decided that furniture was necessary and the day after I shocked him by arriving on his doorstep, he had rushed out and bought a bed, a sofa, a coffee table and an array of kitchen utensils. He wanted me to be as comfortable as possible and even though he didn't fully understand the human preoccupation with television, he had bought a television that could rival the Cullen's in extravagance. I of course objected but if there was one person that was my equal in stubbornness; it was Christopher. His purchases stayed and I learned to live with the guilt (albeit comfortably) that he had spent so much money for my benefit._

_I lifted the piece of slightly burnt bread to my lips and took a large bite; leaving crumbs to fall on the plate I held protectively under my chin. Christopher walked in a second later holding a large white envelope in his hands and a scowl upon his face._

"_What is this?" The abrupt nature of his voice caught me off guard as he waved the paper in front of me._

_Swallowing the bitter taste of burnt toast, I gave him my full attention. "I don't know, you won't stop waving it." I narrowed my eyes at him a little as aggravation gripped me, resulting in my sarcastic comment._

_He didn't appreciate my humour. "Why have you got a letter from Seattle University?" He questioned with a dark look and I couldn't help but gulp in response._

"_Well...I thought, since you were living here and we are settled that it might be easier to go to school here..." My words got quieter as I watched the impossible happen in front of me. During my suggestion, Christopher's face seemed to grow red in anger; something that both astonished me and terrified me._

"_You thought you'd go here?" He asked incredulous._

_I refused to meet his gaze. "Yeah."_

"_You want to go to Seattle University?"_

"_Yes." I said firmly, regardless of my shaking voice._

"_You want to give up Harvard and go here?"_

_I sighed. "Yes."_

_He let out a small growl. "You honestly think I'm going to let you go to school here and give up Harvard?" His voice took on the volume I had been waiting for and I bristled._

"_Excuse me?! It's not your place to 'let' me do anything!" I corrected as I slammed the plate with my breakfast down on the kitchen work top and stalked past him, into the living room._

_He followed closely behind me. "Well I'm obviously the only sane being in this apartment so let me make this clear," he punctuated his point with a step closer to me with each word; "you...are...going...to...Harvard!"_

_Stubbornly, I folded my hands across my chest. "Am not." I sounded like a child but I really hated it when he told me what to do._

"_Yes you are." He mimicked my actions and placed his large arms across his chest._

"_No."_

"_Yes."_

"_Are you that desperate to get rid of me?!" I exclaimed letting my fears out. _

_He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"_

"_If I go then we won't see each other until I get a break in the semester. It will mean months without seeing each other! It may not bother you but it bothers me!"_

"_Of course we will-"_

_I cut him off. "Christopher you left me and I barely survived. If I walked away from you I __**know **__that I couldn't. This is the only way for us to work." I begged him to see reason._

_I watched the transformation on his face and was sure I had won. His mask of anger began to drop into sadness; finally showing a look of love that shone in his newly topaz eyes. He took a small step towards me and placed a hand to my face, cupping my cheek softly in his palm as I closed my eyes in a mixture of embarrassment at my submission and pain at the prospect of losing him._

"_Aren't you going to ask me to come with you?" He whispered softly and my eyes shot open in shock._

"_You want to come with me?" I gasped as he dropped his hand and shifted uncomfortable on his feet._

"_I just assumed you wanted to go off and experience college on your own, that you didn't want me to hold you back." He looked down as he spoke before raising his head again and hurriedly adding; "I understood that and I wasn't mad, you have your whole life in front of you and I didn't want you to have to worry about-" I cut him off but this time with a kiss._

_I pushed my lips hard against his and it took a second for him to react through the surprise. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and crushed me against his chest as our lips moved together in a harsh dance of passion._

_I groaned in pleasure when his tongue brushed teasingly against my bottom lip and a purr rumbled in his chest as he pulled me closer to him; lifting me off the ground. Running my hands along the bunched muscles of his shoulders, I wondered how I could be so lucky to have this creature love me._

_With my feet still off the ground and my body still tight against his chest we broke away from each other panting and stared into each other eyes. _

"_Come with me." I managed to demand through gasps and watched as his mouth turned upwards in a smile._

"_Are you sure?" he asked but he knew my mind was made up._

_I answered him again by pressing a kiss against his lips and I heard the envelope which no doubt held an acceptance letter and a prospectus of the university, fall to the floor with a dull thud. With his other hand now free, he grabbed one of my thighs and lifted it so that it rested on his hip as my other leg quickly followed suit and wrapped itself around his waist._

"_I could kiss you all day." He murmured against my neck which he trailed with kisses once our lips had separated._

_I giggled at his compliment. "Well I have nothing to do today."_

_I grinned at his response which was a short growl followed by his lips pressing harshly against my own._

* * *

I felt the pillow beside me and cracked an eye open when I found nothing. "Christopher?" I called softly but there was no response. I looked around the room calmly and squinted my eyes against the light that came through the window. The room was still quite bare; we had only moved into our new apartment a couple of days prior. We were lucky to get this place really, it was close to campus, had off street parking, was in easy reach of transport, restaurants and bars (although after my experience at Jessica's party I vowed to avoid them); it was perfect and I was sure Christopher had offered some sort of financial encouragement to the landlord in return for a quick move. He denied it of course, stating that we were just lucky and that no one else had been interested but I knew different. This area was a hot spot for students and although our building was a little pricey for the average student; our apartment contained two bedrooms and the rent would have been easily affordable for friends to share.

I glared at the alarm clock beside my head and noticed that it was 10am; time to get up. Today was the first day of fresher's week and as such, I had books to buy, a schedule to pick up and people to meet. I hadn't mentioned to Christopher that I was excited about this, worried that I would cause him to feel left out; but I was. I was at college, finally living without supervision; although Christopher may object to that, he was almost 200 years old and as such had problems with equality. He was trying though, now rather than telling me I wasn't allowed to use the subway alone for fear of muggers, he now **suggested** that he drive me instead. We were definitely making progress.

Just as I stumbled out of bed, I heard our front door slam loudly and looked up in time to see a blur run into our room and stop abruptly in front of me.

"Oh, I hoped you'd still be asleep." Christopher looked sheepish as he held out a paper cup of coffee and a plate full of pancakes. "I wanted to give you breakfast in bed before your big day." He continued to explain; the disappointment he felt was evident in his voice.

I gazed adoringly at him and had to bite my lip to suppress the laugh that threatened to escape my lips. He was so sweet. "Awww, thank you."

I jumped back on the bed, waiting for my food to join me.

"It's all spoilt now." He muttered as he sat next to me and stretched out. "I was meant to wake you with a surprise." he mumbled sullenly.

I chose to ignore his pouting as I used my fork to cut a section of the pancake and place it in my mouth. "Hmmm, these are delicious!" I said in shock as I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Did you cook these?" I asked, disbelief colouring my tone. He had attempted to cook me dinner one night in Seattle. It hadn't gone well.

* * *

"_Christopher, why is your head in the fridge?" I asked feeling worried for his sanity. He retreated from his quiet space a second later with a piece of raw chicken and a readymade bag of salad. _

"_I'm going to make you dinner." He smiled at me with confidence. It was a surprisingly warm day and as such, I didn't know what I wanted to eat. The weather always interfered with my eating patterns but I knew that I didn't want anything heavy that would make me even more uncomfortable._

"_Oooh what are we making?" I felt excited as I began to move around the kitchen, my intention being to help._

_I picked up a knife, ready to chop anything he wanted me to when I felt his arms encircle my waist from behind, his chin resting lightly on my shoulder. I felt his breath tickle my ear and my breath caught in my throat slightly at the feeling which sent shivers down my back. _

"_You aren't doing anything. I'm going to make something light for you." He whispered in my ear before placing a soft kiss on the side of my neck._

_I grinned as I twisted around to face him. I was truly happy. "So what should I do?" I asked with a pout that I really didn't mean; I just knew that he found it cute._

"_You," he kissed the tip of my nose; "are going to sit in the living room and relax. I'll call you when it's done." He pushed me softly away from him and I wandered to the sofa, ready to watch some television._

_**10 Minutes Later**_

"_Bella?" Christopher sounded weary as he called me from the kitchen._

_Taking tentative steps, I walked towards the room; grateful that the fire alarm hadn't gone off at least. I found him peering into a bowl looking ashamed and embarrassed._

"_I think it came out wrong." He sighed._

_I looked into the bowel and couldn't contain the laughter that I hoped wouldn't erupt from me. His attempt at making a chicken salad had gone terribly wrong. _

"_Why is the lettuce so soggy?" I giggled as the leafy ingredients were stuck to the inside of the bowl looking rather sad._

_He regarded me with a glare. "I washed it; I didn't want you to get sick or anything."_

_I continued laughing. "It looks like you drowned it." I dipped my finger in the bowl, at a piece of black charcoal that was surprisingly red in the centre. "Is this the chicken?" I asked incredulous._

_He folded his arms across his chest as he sulked, fury written across his face. "I tried okay?" He huffed at me. "I'll order you a pizza." With that he stormed from the room to find the phone as I crumpled to the floor in giggles._

* * *

A chuckle came from him as he took in my shocked face. "No I went out and bought it for you." He assured me so I carried on eating with confidence.

Once breakfast was finished, I showered and got ready for the day ahead of me, choosing to wear a pair of black skinny leg jeans, a pair of green flat shoes and a green shirt that matched. I brushed my hair out and decided to leave it down, the weather didn't forecast rain despite the clouds in the sky, so I didn't need to worry about it sticking to my face.

I grabbed my bag from the floor and put a lightweight jacket on. The weather at the moment was perfect, it was overcast so Christopher could move around freely but it wasn't too cold for me. it was perfect.

"Ok, I'm ready." I shouted out to Christopher as I grabbed my keys off of the kitchen counter.

Christopher wandered out of our bedroom and towards me, encasing me in a warm hug. "Good luck, you'll be fine." He offered me words of encouragement and I smiled in gratitude.

Wiping a stray strand of hair from my face he checked for the hundredth time that I was happy to go alone. "Are you sure I shouldn't be there? What if something happens?" He worried and I rolled my eyes at his unnecessary concern.

"I'll be fine I promise. I'll probably be home around six, there's a lot to get through today."

He looked sad at my leaving but tried not to show it. "Take your time, meet new people. Call me if you're going to be late though." He added in a stern voice.

I laughed a little as I pulled away from him and opened the front door. "I will."


	2. Innocence

**A/N:**

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the reviews I got for the first chapter.

I just wanted to say that I will put warning for lemons so for those of you who would rather not read any explicit scene's need not worry. I will then do a little author's note at the end explaining anything that was said or that happened which was of any particular importance.

**There is a slight lemon in this one** but I don't think it really need's a warning because they are only really kissing and it just talks about feeling's. I am new to writing lemons though so if what I have written makes anyone uncomfortable then please review and tell me so I know what warrants a warning.

Also, it came to my attention that you aren't allowed to post lyrics on this site so I won't be doing that for this story but I do think that **Avril Lavigne- Innocence** is a good song that represents Bella's feelings in this chapter.

* * *

The large red brick building that stood proudly before me radiated power. It screamed a mixture of promise and intimidation as I stood on the green lawn in front of several tables, each advertising a particular good cause, sororities, clubs and activities. I was overwhelmed by not only the beauty of the place but by the amount of people there. It seemed I had become sensitive during my time at Forks; in Phoenix large groups hadn't overwhelmed me, I had expected them. This however, was something I hadn't imagined. It was pure chaos.

I stumbled through the crowds of people, bumping into every person I passed along the way.

"Excuse me."

"Pardon me."

"Coming through."

I tried my best to be polite and pleasant as I was shoved around and began to wonder if it was wise to leave Christopher at home. He'd have made sure I got through safely; people would most likely have cleared a path for him.

I had no time to dwell on these thoughts however, because soon I was thrust into the throngs of people at the admission office; the first stop of my day where I would receive my schedule and reading list.

There were three queues which were organised by the initials of students.

"Those of you whose surname begins with the letter's A-G, join line one! If your surname begins with H-R then you need line two and line three are for those of you whose surname begins with the letter S or below." A woman frantically called out as students bumped and bustled into the confined space with no real order.

I made my way to line three with no real trauma, only a few bruises and waited patiently.

"Hi, I'm Leanne Wilks." A pretty girl with dark brown hair turned to face me with a hand held out. She had high cheekbones, a large smile and was dressed casually in a pair of black converse, black combat trousers that hung low on her slim hips and a bright pink vest top that matched the pink streaks in her hair.

I quickly rubbed my sweaty palm against my leg before I grasped her hand in mine with a relieved smile playing on my lips. "I'm Bella Swan; it's nice to meet you."

"So what are you studying?" She asked politely and I noticed that she seemed slightly nervous also.

"English." I said quickly. "What about you?"

She beamed at me and clapped her hands excitedly. "I'm doing English too. This is so cool at least I'll know someone in class now." She looked around a little. "I feel like everyone knows someone and quite honestly, I feel a little lost." She laughed at her confession.

My smile grew larger on my face as we shuffled forward in the queue. "I feel exactly like you do, don't worry. Maybe we should just cling to each other and hope for the best." I joked.

As we waited in line, we talked about our lives and how we ended up at Harvard. She grew up in a small town in Virginia named Floyd. She had an elder sister and brother, her parents were still happily married and she was desperately missing her dog named Chi Chi.

Leanne and her boyfriend of two years had parted happily, each of them knowing that a long distance relationship wouldn't work with them at separate colleges and as she put it; "I need a rebound guy. Someone who's happy with meaningless sex and is happy with having a commitment free relationship." She giggled a little. "Do you think that will be hard to find?"

From what I knew of men, I was sure it wouldn't be.

* * *

"So Bella, are you living on campus?" After receiving our schedules, shopping for our books and looking for the lecture halls we would be in; we decided a Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino was needed.

I settled myself on one of the comfortable brown sofas that Starbucks held. "No I live just around the corner. Christopher was the one that found it and sorted it all out, I hadn't even thought about where I was going to live." I admitted.

Leanne took a sip from her cup as I scooped a bit of freshly whipped cream from my own. "Who's Christopher?"

I realised I hadn't mentioned him yet. "Oh, he's my boyfriend." I didn't really know what to tell her. I didn't know what Christopher would be happy with me telling her.

She just looked at me. "That's it?" She raised an eyebrow. "I've just told you my whole life, including the time when I was six and Brody Lesson pushed me off a swing and grazed my knee and all I get about your boyfriend, who you live with I might add; is his name?"

I shrugged my shoulders a little and smiled as a blush formed on my cheeks. "There's nothing much to say. We've officially been together for a couple of months now; he moved here to be with me."

"Does he work? How old is he? Is it serious? How great is the sex?" She rattled off a series of question's that would make Jessica proud as my blush on my cheeks grew.

I cleared my throat. "He doesn't work. He doesn't need to; his parents died and left him a lot of money. He's not a snob though." I quickly added as I saw her eyes shadow with assumptions. "He's 23 so he's a few years older than me but it doesn't bother us. I'm old for my age." I laughed a little and prayed that she wouldn't notice my avoidance of her final question.

She did.

"Sex?" She asked again. I was beginning to think that sex was an extremely important part of her life.

My face shone like a beacon as I struggled to answer her. "Well...erm...we...wehaventdoneityet."

"What?" She didn't hear through my hushed tone and rushed words.

"We haven't done it yet." I admitted as I looked at my hands in embarrassment.

The silenced that graced my ears stretched on and once I gathered the courage to look up, I was greeted with a look of disbelief.

"You live together and you haven't slept together yet?" She seemed to ask in both awe and disgust.

"We haven't really discussed it." I admitted as I thought back to my time with Edward. I could hardly explain that in fact; my 23 year old boyfriend was actually a vampire with 160 un-dead years added on to that figure who may crush me if he were too excited. With this in mind, I realised that Christopher wasn't as careful with me as Edward had been. Our kisses were much less guarded and restricting yet we hadn't actually crossed the boundary where wandering hands was acceptable. I didn't know if we ever would.

"But you do want to? Don't you?" This conversation was very personal between people who had only been friends for a few hours but I felt as though I'd known Leanne for longer.

"I guess so." I sighed. "We just haven't discussed it."

Leanne became extremely thoughtful for a few moments before leaning over to me and placing a concerned hand over my own. "Bella, I don't want to offend you but have you ever considered that...he's gay?"

She looked genuinely worried and I couldn't help the large guffaw that escaped my lips. Once I finished and wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes, I explained my outburst. "Christopher's definitely not gay. Wait until you meet him; he screams masculinity." I promised.

She smiled at me then. "Well I look forward to meeting him then."

We settled into a comfortable silence. "I just can imagine a life without sex."

Those final words gave me a lot to think about.

* * *

"Honey I'm home." I giggled as I unlocked the door to our apartment and walked into the living room.

"I'm in the bedroom." Christopher's soft voice called through the apartment and when it reached my ears a shiver ran down my spine.

Excitement coursed through my veins as I walked towards the source of that voice. Pushing open the door to our room, I gasped in shock at the scene that was laid out before me.

Where light should be falling through the window, there was darkness due to the blinds that had been lowered. Where my bed would normally sit in the centre of the room with only a duvet and some pillows, it was now used as a table that held a vast array of food. Christopher stood by the door with a smile that made my toes curl within the confines of my shoes. Bathed in candlelight; he held a large bouquet of blood red roses in his hand as he stepped softly towards me.

"I really missed you today." He whispered softly as his head leant to mine. Running the tip of his nose against my cheek, he breathed my scent deeply before dropping his head to my shoulder where he placed a loving kiss.

"Christopher, what is all this?" I breathed, still in shock as I took the flowers from his hand.

He gently brushed a strand of hair from my face before ushering me over to the bed. "I wanted to do something to celebrate your first day and to tell you that I'm proud of you." I sat down on the comforter and let the delicious smells assault my senses.

"I'm sorry it's nothing special, I had to get everything in readymade boxes with cooking instructions." He chuckled a little as he sat beside me; no doubt remembering his disastrous cooking attempts.

Picking up a strip of chicken in breadcrumbs, he dipped it in a sauce that lay in a dish beside it before raising the food to my lips and placing it inside my mouth.

Once I had finished chewing he leant forward and placed a soft kiss to my lips. "Mmmm, you know food actually tastes nice from your lips." He murmured against my mouth as my breath caught in my throat.

Any embarrassment that I would normally have, flew from my mind as I answered him. "Do you know what else taste good on my lips?" My voice was husky as he traced his lips down the side of my neck to my shoulder.

"Hmmm?" His hum sent vibrations to my heart.

"You." His growl sounded harshly in the room before his lips attacked mine once more. I moaned into his mouth as his cold tongue pried my lips apart. He hands cupped my face softly as his tongue played with mine, teasing and caressing within my mouth.

Bringing my hands to his shoulders, I braced myself against him as I tried to force him back onto the bed; Leanne's word's playing over in my mind.

_I just can't imagine a life without sex._

Tearing away from me for a second, Christopher's hand shot out followed closely by the sound of shattering dishes against our wooden floor. With no time to understand or realise his actions, I was thrown back on the bed as he held himself above me.

The pit of my stomach began to flutter in a familiar feeling as one of his hands rested on my hip, holding me beneath him as he licked and nipped lightly against my neck. I trailed my fingers against the hard planes of muscle that were evident through his shirt and willed my hands to stop shaking as I began unbuttoning the fabric that hid his chest.

His lips pulled away from mine abruptly and with a breath of air, he was across the other side of the room.

"What are you doing?" His breathing matched my own; heavy and desperate.

Lifting myself from the bed, I approached him with caution as he paced against the wall. Standing in front of him, I took a deep breath, my face still flushed from my physical excitement.

"I want you." I breathed, hoping that this was all he needed to know; all he needed as encouragement.

It wasn't. He stopped suddenly and his body tensed.

"What did you say?" His voice was deep and harsh; almost threatening.

"I want you." My voice had lost some of its conviction as the passion in the room died.

He faced me fully and took a step towards me, a look of thunder on his face as he towered over me.

"Have you lost your mind?!" He roared and I flinched back a little. "It's not possible Bella!"

"How do you know?" I murmured, embarrassment flooding me as I realised I was begging him to take me.

"Because it's not." He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "You lose control when it happens; it's all about the moment and how good it feels...I don't know I'd be able to keep you safe." His voice was softer but the anger in his voice was still present.

"Well then stop protecting me!" I exclaimed. "I'm not afraid of you and I know you would never hurt me, no matter how far gone you are."

He glowered down at me in obvious disapproval of my outburst. "You don't know enough about this subject to comment Bella." He ground out between clenched teeth and his words pierced me.

"No, but you do don't you?" Bitterness crept into my voice that I couldn't hide. "How many woman have you been with exactly?"

He stepped back again until his back pressed against the wall. "I'm not telling you." He growled softly.

"Ten, twenty, two hundred?" I couldn't stop the taunting words from coming out of my mouth. I stepped towards him so that I was pressed against him; anger and hurt filling my being.

"Is it really that you're scared of hurting me or do you just not want me?" Tears of rejection began to fill my eyes and before I could comprehend anything, I was spun around with my back pressed against the wall, my hand's gripped above my head in one of his own.

His other hand reached around my thigh and lifted my leg so that it rested against his hip as he ground his obvious arousal against my centre. "Don't ever doubt that I don't want you." A growl vibrated through his chest and teased my nipples, hardening them in excitement and promise.

I whimpered softly against him. "This can't happen." They were his last words before I was left standing alone with only the sound of the front door slamming behind him.


	3. Confessions

**A/N: IMPORTANT**

Ok so the reason I haven't updated in nearly a week is because I've been a bit upset and so I haven't wanted to write. This probably sounds selfish but I was getting at least 70 reviews a chapter for Sparkling Angel and for this one, I got the same amount on the first chapter. The second chapter however, only got 30 which has really upset me.

Reviews get me excited and make me want to write because I know people are enjoying my story and waiting for the next chapter. I'm not going to write if a lot of people don't review because I'm busy and I normally write at 3am (like now) because I just don't have time to do it earlier. Now I know that people like this story as much as Sparkling Angel because it has over 300 alerts and over 500 people read the last chapter.

**So please review or I will not post.**

**(I'm not being a bitch really I'm just busy and I feel like I'm wasting my time)**

Also people have been worried that Christopher has lost his sarcasm...he hasn't. It's still there he's just happier...just wait until the Cullen's come to visit-he'll be back on top form.lol

And...this story isn't going to be ALL about sex although it is an important part of the story. I want to talk about the problems that arise when sex is included in a relationship as well as the good aspects. This story will be about Bella and Christopher growing as a couple and Bella making the important decisions needed to be made.

There will be jealousy, there will be heartache, there will be fluff...there will be smut.lol

So onto a looooong 3rd chapter!

* * *

After Christopher left, I cleaned the broken shards of plate from the floor and emptied the uneaten but ruined food into our stainless steel bin. My hands were still shaking as I watched the mixture of chicken and porcelain slip from the plastic dustpan I held in my grip. I wasn't shaking with fear; it was raw need that I could feel clawing in the pit of my stomach.

I thought I had felt passion with Edward, I had felt wanting of a physical nature, but I was wrong. There was something primal about Christopher, a chemistry that drew me in and held me helplessly. It was new; it was exciting, it was terrifying.

Taking a shower, I went over the events in my mind; wishing I had handled the situation better. I had sprung my desire on him, giving him no chance to consider the implications of my needs or the positive effect a sexual relationship would have on us. He as always, had only focussed on the negatives.

I climbed into bed that night, thoughts of Christopher in my mind; wondering where he was and what he was doing. I knew he would be back, I just didn't know when.

* * *

"Bella, wake up." A cold hand shook my shoulder gently, awakening me from my slumber. I groggily stared at the clock beside me, the illuminated number's read 2.30am.

I buried myself further into the covers. "Leave me alone, I don't have to get up yet."

Christopher's voice sounded in a small laugh as he pulled me closer to him, my back pressing against his chest as he nuzzled my neck. "We need to talk Bella." He whispered in my ear and memories from the night flooded back to me.

Almost instantly, electricity flowed through my body as I felt his hard chest pressed against me, memories of his earlier hardness grinding into me.

"Are you over your strop yet?" I muttered sarcastically as I stretched my body against him, waking up slowly.

He sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around me tighter, his cheek resting against my own with his chin against my shoulder. "I'm sorry I walked out on you. I couldn't be in here anymore; things would have gotten out of control."

I could hear sadness in his voice. "That's what I wanted to happen." I whispered into the darkness and I felt his sharp intake of breath as he splayed his hand against my abdomen, pushing his palm into my soft skin.

"That's what I can't handle. You want me as much as I want you." He whispered against my ear and goose bumps flittered across my skin.

I moaned softly. "I hate feeling like this." I admitted softly. "There's no escape from it."

I heard his gulp from behind me; I could feel the struggle that was ongoing throughout his body. "I know." His voice was deep and low, sounding rough in my ear.

"I want you so much." He declared as he pulled me once again closer to him.

As much as he said those words, I couldn't stop the niggling doubt that called in the back of my mind. "Are you sure?" My voice was weak, I sounded like the scared little girl I had been pretending not to be for months.

"You're beautiful Bella, on the inside and out." His words held a conviction that I wanted to believe in.

"But am I more beautiful than the other girls you've been with?" He sighed and began pulling his arms away from me but I held on tightly, looking over my shoulder at his dimly lit face.

"I know there have been a lot; you wouldn't answer how many earlier and that makes me more uncomfortable than if you'd have told me." I confessed, praying that if he did tell me it would be a small number.

It wasn't.

"I'm sorry Bella but I don't remember the total."

My hands quickly slipped from his arms as I sat up in bed, my back against the chocolate leather headboard. "Oh."

I brought my knees to my chest, resting my chin against them as I tried to process this information. "Please don't look like that Bella." Christopher implored me as he sat rigidly next to me.

"How do you want me to look?" I muttered sullenly, feeling bitter inside.

He was frustrated with my reaction, I could hear it in his voice and that incensed me all the more. "I've lived a long time. It's expected that there would be a few."

The way he brushed it off annoyed me even more. Didn't it mean anything to him? Did my feelings mean anything to him? "There were more than a few by the sounds of it." I pointed out hastily.

"Like I said, I've lived a long time so therefore it was pretty unavoidable."

"Edward managed to live a long time and still keep some morals." I snapped and instantly regretted it. Looking up, I watched his expression darken.

"Well the last time I checked I wasn't Edward. If I was I'd be combing my ginger hair and playing the piano while I wailed like a little girl 'cos thing's weren't going my way." He sneered.

My eyes narrowed on him. "His hair is copper-", I began to argue but he cut me off; "It's ginger!"

Then we both sat back, our arms folded across our chests and sulked in silence.

"Isn't it hard to come across other vampires?" I asked, a thought suddenly catching me.

He looked baffled as I watched him out the corner of my eye. "What do you mean?"

"Well it's not like you just walk down the street and bump into them. Edward told me there aren't _that_ many vampires' out there, not compared to humans anyway. So how did you bump into so many that you lost count of who you slept with?" I wondered aloud.

His silence spoke volumes. "It wasn't just vampires was it?" I mumbled.

He shook his head quickly, not daring to look at me. "So you _can_ sleep with humans, it's just me you can't sleep with."

My chest began to feel heavy, a pain settling behind my rib cage as a sickness began to form in my stomach.

"I slept with them for a different purpose Bella. I didn't...treat them...the way I'd want to treat you."

I didn't know what to say as a thousand horrendous images flew through my mind.

"You deserve to be treated differently. I'd never want to hurt you." He persisted.

I took a deep breath and buried my hands in my hair, my eyes tightly shut against the onslaught of mental images. "I needed you to explain that statement because I'm imagining things that I never thought you would do." My voice cracked as I began to get choked up.

"I don't know what you want me to say." His hard voice snapped at me and I flinched away, partly in fear.

I got up from the bed, and walked towards the window, my arms around my waist as I stood with my back to him. "Did you..." I found it hard to say the word. I gulped the bile down quickly that was rising in my throat. "Did you rape them?"

"NO!" He shouted, obviously shocked.

I turned to face him, shaking hysterically. "Well then what did you do?"

"I killed them." Shame was in his voice but I felt a huge amount of relief, relief that showed on my face as I breathed out a happy sigh.

He stared incredulously at me. "You think that makes it ok?" It was his turn to look at me like a monster.

"No of course not." I walked towards him trying to defend my response. "It's just that I already knew that you had killed people. I've accepted that already. I panicked when I thought there was more."

I smiled tentatively at him and placed a hand on his bunched shoulder which he quickly rubbed off. "I didn't kill them because of the thirst Bella." He mumbled, turning his face away from me.

My heart started beating erratically in my chest. "I would seduce woman daily, it was like a sport to me." He snorted. "I would sleep with them but I wasn't careful with them. I would lull them into a false sense of security and then I would hurt them when I was done." He was silent for a few seconds. "I tortured them for pleasure as my friends watched and cheered."

His confession sent shock waves through me. A second later I was lying on the bathroom floor as I vomited the water I had drunk before bed, into the toilet. I felt cold hands pulling my hair from my face as Christopher rubbed my back in soothing circles and cooed comforting sounds.

"I'm sorry I threw that at you like that." He apologised once my stomach began to settle and he placed a cold flannel on my cheeks which were burning with the force of my heaves.

"It's fine." I said after I had washed my mouth out, although it really wasn't. I pushed him softly away from me as I walked back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

Christopher left me in there alone for a while and I was grateful for the peace. My arms rested on my thighs as I sat with my clasped hands out in front of me. I bit my lip in concentration; a look Christopher had come to name my 'thinking face.' He always said it with a groan which was normally fitting because ordinarily an argument which had been brewing inside of me would erupt soon after.

"Do you want me to leave?" His soft voice called from the doorway and I looked up to find a broken shell of the creature I loved.

Did I want him to leave? Was killing someone he'd just slept with any worse than killing a stranger he bumped into on the street? Did the personal act make it any worse? No, that wasn't what bothered me; it was the torture.

"You said you tortured them after you were done. Does that mean the sex itself had finished?" I asked in a small voice, trying to understand the implications of his confession.

"It was after, yes."

"So you tortured them after the two of you...you know...and once everything was finished. You could have been standing a metre apart, hypothetically?"

"I don't understand what you are getting at but yes, we could have been a metre apart. Anything sexual was finished."

I took a deep breath and looked at his tormented face. "Then what's the problem?" I asked suddenly.

He stood tall and straight, looking worriedly at me. "Bella I tortured people." He pointed out again in a disgusted tone.

I nodded sadly. "I know." I took a deep breath and then walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, his arms still by his side. "I dealt with the fact that you killed innocent people a long time ago. You aren't a monster anymore and I know that. You're a different person now." I whispered into his chest.

I felt his lips brush softly against the top of my head as his arms moved to encircle my shoulders. "I'll never know what I did to deserve you."

I slowly raised my head and looked into his eyes. "You fixed me."

A small smile appeared on his face, one filled with love and devotion. Pulling away from him, I grasped his hand and led him to the bed. He laid back and I followed suit, my head resting against his chest as he played softly with my hair.

"I'm sorry to keep mentioning this, but you definitely said it was after didn't you." An argument was forming in my mind.

"Yes." I could hear the annoyance in his voice that I kept repeating the same question.

"And they were alive until that point." I pointed out.

"Yes."

"You didn't kill them during the act." I pressed.

"Yeees..." this confirmation was drawn out; he was slowly piecing together my point.

"Well then we can-"

He cut me off. "No." His answer was firm.

"Well are you planning on torturing me after?" I challenged not understanding his argument, mine was valid.

"Of course not." He scoffed, angry at the suggestion, disgust lacing his tone that was mixed with hurt at the idea.

"Then what is the problem?" I challenged.

I felt him take a few deep breaths. "I wasn't exactly gentle with them." He admitted before hurriedly adding; "I didn't break any bones or make them bleed or anything, but I was definitely not careful."

"Oh." That seemed to be a popular answer with me tonight.

"I'm scared I won't be able to be gentle with you." He continued softly, his fingers still running through my hair. "I don't know how to be."

"Yes you do." I countered, looking up into his eyes; eyes that showed an immense amount of fear. "You're being gentle now."

His hand stilled on my hair for a second. "This is a different situation." He argued as I laid my head back on his chest.

"Look I'm not going to push this," I began; "but I trust you." I gave a sigh. "I guess we are going to live the rest of our lives frustrated then." I mused, trying to joke in order to lighten the mood.

A small laugh left his lips and I smiled for the fact that I could cause that reaction in him. I alone caused that reaction in him. He pulled me closer to him, sliding my up his chest so he could nuzzle my neck. "There are things you can do to prevent that you know." He whispered in my ear and I looked at him in complete confusion.

"Like what?" He pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and amusement danced in his eyes.

"You could take care of your needs yourself." He suggested in a teasing manner, although I could tell he was completely serious.

My cheeks burnt bright and I ducked my head from his eyes. "I'm ok thank you." I muttered as I tried to regulate my breathing.

He let out a hearty laugh at that. "It's perfectly natural Bella." He assured me. The conversation was too much for me and I felt an overwhelming need to run and hide. I settled for moving away from him and turning so that my back was facing him.

"Bella?" He called softly as he ran his hand along my side. "Don't hide from me please." He begged softly and I felt the bed shift as he moved closer to me.

"It's too embarrassing." I murmured, really wishing he wouldn't mention it again. I had never done...that. I never planned to.

"It's not Bella, everyone does it." He assured me, laughter in his voice.

"Oh really, do you?" I retorted quickly trying to find an argument back. His answer surprised me.

"Yes. On occasion I do."

"What?" I breathed the word in shock.

"Don't be so surprised. Sometimes a cold shower isn't enough." He laughed a little before adding; "although it would probably have a greater effect if I could feel the cold." He mused, obviously feeling like a comedian since his conscience had lifted.

I picked up a pillow and spinning around quickly to face him, I hit him around the head with it. "Stop laughing at me." I scolded before flopped back onto my side. I could feel the bed shaking with his silent laughter as I tried to control my embarrassment.

"Christopher?"

"Hmmm?" He started rubbing my back again.

"I wouldn't know what to do." I admitted as my cheeks continued to burn brighter.

I heard his sharp intake of breath and I smirked a little, knowing he was imagining something. "Just do whatever feels natural." His voice was hoarse.

I smirked a bit more. "I'll think I'll leave it." I muttered.

We laid in pleasant silence for the rest of the night and soon sleep consumed me. My dreams were filled with Christopher and what would happen if he ever leaned to trust himself more.

* * *

The sound of a ringing phone woke me the next morning. "Tell them I'll call them later." I moaned into the pillow but the incessant shrill continued.

Lifting my head slowly I saw a note on the pillow beside me.

_Gone to get you some of those pancakes you loved so much._

_X_

I smiled to myself a little as the ringing of the phone ceased and I read the message. A second later, the phone started again.

Leaning over I groaned a little, especially seeing the name on the caller I.D; this would be too hyper for this time of the morning.

"Hi, Alice." I yawned into the phone.

"_It's about time Bella, I knew I'd wake you with the first call but I expected you to answer. I didn't see the note at first; it's great to know that although you are with Christopher ALL the time you still ignore me for him."_ She teased me. _"I can't believe you chose a note over me."_ She continued.

"I didn't even know it was you calling." I laughed a little.

"_So tell me all about your first day and don't leave anything out."_

"Why? I'm sure you saw it all." I countered.

She sighed. _"Yes but it's more fun to hear about it. By the way, I'm not sure how I feel about Leanne."_ She sounded a bit disgruntled.

"Why?" Suddenly I was worried; it would be my luck to make friends with the resident psycho of Harvard.

"_She has last season's hair."_ She pointed out quickly.

"And...?"

"_Her Converse are dirty."_ She mumbled.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Alice are you jealous?"

She snorted down the phone in an unattractive and very un-Alice way. _"Oh please! Of course I'm not, I'm your best friend and I know that you wouldn't replace me." _She sounded very sure of herself. Until she added the last part. _"Right?"_

I couldn't help but laugh loudly at that. "Of course. I miss you Alice, I wish I could see you."

"Me too." She sounded distracted. "Are you looking forward to your birthday?" A feeling of dread settled in my stomach. I had managed to successfully avoid thinking about the upcoming date, not wanting any reminders of my last.

"Not really but luckily for me, no one knows my birthday here; not even Christopher."

"_Really?"_ She sounded suspiciously accepting of this.

"Alice, I'm warning you not to tell him." I put as much menace in my voice as I could muster.

She just giggled. _"Well if you don't want him to know, I'd keep him out of the house at around 11am next Friday morning. I can tell you that a large package of presents will be arriving by courier followed by a bunch of celebratory balloons from your mum as well as a gift from her and a little present from your dad."_

She was so sure of herself, then again; this was Alice. _"Card's will also start arriving throughout next week. I think you'll receive the first one on Tuesday. That's not definite though."_ She mumbled. I could just imagine her sitting with her eyes closed, a look of serene peace on her face.

"Well I'm sure I can divert him from the mail, the presents from my parents might be a problem though." I mused.

"_Not to mention the package from us."_ She squealed a little.

"Alice, I hate presents you know that!"

She sighed. _"I know but it's to make up for last year."_ She sounded extremely sad. _"At least you won't get attacked this time; we just wanted to make it special."_

The guilt she was placing on me was a tool she knew how to use well. "You didn't spend a lot did you?" I grumbled in acceptance.

She laughed loudly knowing she'd won. _"No, I wanted to spend more but Edward wouldn't let me."_

This was the first time she had mentioned Edward in two months. _"Sorry."_ She said softly.

"No it's ok. I want to hear about him, is he ok?" My voice sounded unsure but I was curious, I missed him deeply. More than I missed Alice even.

"_He's ok."_ There was a sadness in her voice that I wished wasn't there. _"He's been playing a lot of music lately; he's made some beautiful new compositions."_

"Oh, that's good." I didn't know what else to say.

"_Well I should probably go; Christopher will be back with pancakes any moment. Enjoy your dinner with Leanne later...that should be interesting." _She sniggered a little and before I could ask why, she ended the call as the front door to mine and Christopher's apartment slammed shut.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"What would I do there? Slip the food into my pocket when people weren't looking?" Christopher raised an eyebrow at my question. I had asked him several times already if he wanted to come to dinner with Leanne and I, but each time he declined. I was just worried about leaving him to get lonely.

"But will you be ok here by yourself?" I felt so guilty leaving him. I'd only started college the day before and already my new social life was interfering with our relationship.

He walked towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. "I'm sure I'll be ok."

He stepped back from me and released my shoulders. "I've locked the windows and doors and I promise to be a good little boy and not answer the door to strangers." His face was completely straight as he said this.

"You forgot about the phone. Don't answer the phone either." I instructed and poked my tongue out at him.

I looked in the mirror again to make sure I looked ok. I was wearing a dark blue vest top, dark blue skinny jeans and black flats. My hair was twisted into a clip and the back of my head, leaving loose strands to fall down and frame my flushed face. "Do I look ok? Should I wear black jeans to split the colour up?" I wondered aloud. Seeing everyone at Harvard the day before had made me slightly uncomfortable. Mostly everyone was a mini Alice.

"No, you look cute as a smurf."

I threw my hairbrush at him.

Unfortunately it broke on impact.

* * *

The walk through campus was heavenly. It was warm out but a soft breeze blew against my skin as I took in the scenery around me. There were several groups of students scattered around the grounds, everyone seeming to make fast friends. I guess that was one of the benefits of living on campus, everyone was thrust together.

I found Leanne's building easily and began my ascent up the stairs. I had never been in the campus apartments and I was surprised at how basic everything looked. There was just a staircase and a series of doors with room numbers on it; nothing special at all.

The steady bass of music thrummed in my ears and as I got closer to my destination I realised the party was coming from inside. I pounded heavily on the door, wondering if anyone was likely to hear me.

Someone did.

The door swung open and there in the centre of the room, being held upside down from her ankles by a muscular student was Leanne as she drank from a keg of beer.

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

* * *

**A/N:** hmmm so what do we think will happen here?lol

Any thoughts on Leanne or what Bella might get for her birthday from the Cullens?

Anyone who doesn't know what a smurf is, google image it.lol

**REVIEW!**


	4. Banquet

**A/N:**

Ok the first song is Fall Out Boy- This Ain't A Scene. The second is Gavin DeGraw- I Don't Wanna Be. The third is My Chemical Romance- Teenagers and the fourth and final song is Bloc Party- Banquet.

This chapter is huge btw.

* * *

_I am an arms dealer.  
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words  
And don't really care, which side wins  
As long as the room keeps singing  
That's just the business I'm in_

_This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
I'm not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress_

"Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug!"

I couldn't believe what I was seeing in front of me. That's why Alice had been so cryptic, had she known my new friend was a party animal?

"She's amazing isn't she?" A tall, lanky boy who seemed blessed with acne watched Leanne in awe from beside me.

"She's sure is something." I answered dryly. We were supposed to be going out for a quiet meal, a way for us to get to know each other better.

_I'm a leading man  
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate  
I'm a leading man  
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

_I wrote the gospel of giving up  
(You look pretty sinking)  
But the real bombshells have already sunk  
(Pre-Madonnas of the gutter)  
At night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep  
Crashing not like hips or cars  
No, more like p-p-p-parties_

The music continued to thump around us as Leanne continued with her challenge. I watched as her face turned a darker shade of red both from the strain of constant gulping whilst being upside down and the effect of blood rushing to her head.

_Hopefully it will reach her brain because it obviously isn't working at the moment._ I though harshly.

A second later, she couldn't take the pressure anymore and beer sprayed from her mouth landing on spectators who praised her as she righted herself to her feet. I watched entranced at her carefree attitude, why couldn't I be like that?

A huge smirk on her face, I watched as she swung her head to the music, wiggling her shoulder's and hips to the beat of the music with her arms in the air above her head.

_This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
Bandwagon's full. Please, catch another_

_I'm a leading man  
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate  
I'm a leading man  
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

_All the boys who the dance floor didn't love  
And all the girls whose hips couldn't move fast enough  
Sing until your lungs give out_

"Bella!" her exclamation sounded a second before she launched herself at me, almost knocking me on the floor.

"You came!" She cried happily, grabbing my hand and pulling me along to the small kitchenette. "Have a beer." She thrust a bottle at me after searching through a cooler.

"Ooh do you want to try the keg, its amazing!" She gushed as she pulled me towards the metal contraption in the centre of the living room.

"No, I don't drink." I shouted over the music as I struggled against her strong grasp.

"What?" She couldn't hear me as she continued to push me into the centre of the room.

_This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
(Now you)  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
(Wear out the groove)  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
(Sing out loud)  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race  
(Oh, oh)  
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race_

_I'm a leading man  
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate  
I'm a leading man  
And the lies I weave are, are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

"I said I don't drink." I screamed loudly as the music stopped, ending the song that had been blasting in the background.

Everyone turned to look at me as though there was something incredibly wrong with me.

Was there?

"Oh." Leanne looked confused for a second before her face brightened, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Then how about a fruity cocktail?" She suggested as she pulled me back towards the kitchen.

"No alcohol?" I questioned.

_I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son  
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son  
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one  
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from_

_I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately  
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind  
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do  
Or who I'm supposed to be  
I don't want to be anything other than me_

She beamed a bright smile at me. "Of course not. Go and find a seat and I'll mix something fruity for you...unless you want a splash of alcohol in it."

I started shaking my head but she continued. "Just a smidge. It won't really have much of an effect; it's really just for taste."

I looked around me and saw that everyone else seemed to be carefree and filled with bliss. I wanted that too, instead I was standing with my coat still wrapped securely around me feeling insecure and overwhelmed. A splash wouldn't hurt...right?

"Alright but just a smidge." I conceded as I pointed my finger at her, making my wish clear.

With that she went off to make me a tasty assortment of fruit juice.

_I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn  
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn  
I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn  
Am I the only one to notice?  
I can't be the only one who's learned_

_I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately  
All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind  
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do  
Or who I'm supposed to be  
I don't want to be anything other than me_

I managed to squeeze myself into a vacant spot on the couch, nestled beside a couple that were happy to express the passionate side of their relationship in public. Slipping my arms from my jacket, I looked around at the array of faces, noting that everyone seemed different.

Some people were extremely well built making it obvious that they were athletic; some were slight in frame and pale; the term 'science camp' springing to mind as I looked at them. Some were Goth's who dressed completely in black and appeared to be smoking an illegal substance and some were just average people who didn't seem to belong to a group. With this thought in my head though, I went on to think that those 'average people' who I would include myself in, were technically a group on their own. Was it possible that everyone fell into a category and I hadn't even realised it?

A hard hand nudged my shoulder, breaking me from my silent analysis of life. "Here you go; you will feel more comfortable after this." Leanne dropped onto the arm of the sofa as she handed me a drink that was pink in colour.

"You promise this doesn't have too much drink in it?" I looked at her in the back of my mind I knew she was lying when she said "no."

For some reason though, as I looked around at my fellow classmates and I saw the fun everyone seemed to be having, I couldn't stop myself from taking the first sip.

Or the second.

Or the third.

_Can I have everyone's attention please  
See, not like this and that  
You're gonna have to leave  
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation  
My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone_

_And now I'm telling everybody_

_I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately  
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind  
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do  
Or who I'm supposed to be  
I don't want to be anything other than me  
I don't want to be  
I don't want to be  
I don't want to be  
I don't want to be_

* * *

"I know!" I shouted loudly over the music as Leanne and I sat on the floor with our backs resting against the sofa and our legs spread out in front of us.

"But it's ok," I said sarcastically; "because even though he slept with that...that...skank", I spat the word; "he still loved me." I followed the sentence with an indignant snort.

I waved my empty glass towards Leanne who refilled it quickly with the pitcher she had made up an hour before. We had managed our way through three so far.

"And then he just expected me to forgive him." I took a quick sip of my drink as Leanne stared at me with wide eyes, enthralled by my story.

"But you know, I told him...NO. No no no no no!" I stamped my foot on the carpet in emphasis.

"Well it sounds to me that this Edward has a superiority complex." I looked at Leanne, puzzled by her observation.

"Well he left and then he just expected you to be sitting around waiting for him. If that's not someone who's overly confident and thinks highly of themselves then I don't know what is." She explained before gulping down a large portion of her drink.

I thought about this for a few moments before nodding my head softly. "You know, you're right."

"Of course I'm right." She responded quickly. "About what though?" She added as an afterthought.

"He was always rushing around trying to play God and save the world. It's like the time he saved me from a car. That could have been my time to die but he just had to interfere!" I exclaimed.

"He always thought he was better than everyone else." I confided in her. "Including God it would seem...or fate, whichever you believe in."

The two of us swallowed some more of the punch Leanne had concocted. "I don't really believe in anything." She said slowly before raising the pitcher of alcohol in front of our faces. "That's not quite true, I believe in the healing qualities of this stuff." She giggled before pouring some more in our glasses.

_They're gonna clean up your looks  
With all the lies on the books  
To make a citizen out of you  
Because they sleep with a gun  
And keep an eye on you son  
So they can watch all the things you do_

_Because the drugs never work  
They're gonna give you a smirk  
Cause they got methods  
Of keeping you clean  
They're gonna rip off your heads  
Your aspirations to shreds  
Another cog in the murder machine_

"Ooh we have to dance to this song!" Leanne demanded as she grabbed my hand and dragged me up off of the floor.

I grabbed onto her shoulder and whispered into her ear. "I can't dance."

"Of course you can. Can you sway your hips slightly?" I nodded.

"Can you wiggle your shoulders and at the same time?" I nodded.

"Can you hear the beat?" I nodded again. "Then you can dance." She said firmly whilst grabbing my hand and hoisting both herself and I up onto the coffee table.

_They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes  
Or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone  
But not me_

_The boys and girls in the clique  
The awful names that they stick  
You're never gonna fit in much kid  
But if you're troubled and hurt  
What you got under your shirt  
Will make them pay for the things that they did_

_They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes  
Or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone  
But not me_

_Whoa yeah!_

"Just follow my lead." She shouted over the music as hoots of encouragement sounded from the men in the room.

I felt her hands on my hips as she pressed her chest to my back and we moved as one, swaying softly to the music. Maybe I could do this I thought suddenly, it wasn't that hard. I didn't move my feet at all, knowing that it would result in me falling off the table which seemed to be holding our weight surprisingly well.

_They said now teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes  
Or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone  
But not me__So darken your clothes  
Or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone  
But not me_

_All together now,  
Teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes  
Or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone  
But not me_

_Teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
_

Feeling surprisingly brave, I slivered down her until my knees were bent slightly against my chest before wiggling up until I was standing at full height. That little move was met with a loud applause and I watched as several men stood with their mouths open watching the two of us.

I was spun around quickly by Leanne who placed me to face her. "Put your leg in between mine." She whispered in my ear and I quickly followed her instructions, placing my right leg between hers and she did the same to me with her own leg.

"Now wiggle and grind." She instructed. "They'll go crazy." She giggled and she was right, they did.

* * *

_A heart of stone, a smoking gun  
I can give you life, I can take it away  
A heart of stone, a smoking gun  
I'm working it out_

_Why'd you feel so underrated?  
Why'd you feel so negated?  
Ha, ha_

I lost count of the amount of songs we danced to that night. I was consumed by Leanne's infectious personality and the large quantity of alcohol I had consumed. For the first time in my life I felt confident, like I belonged. There was no judgement as I danced upon the table, only encouragement by my peers to enjoy myself. No one was telling me I was acting immature, no one was telling me that I was putting myself in danger and that I needed to be careful. For the first time in almost two years, I finally felt free to do what I wanted. I wasn't being controlled or told what to do, I could finally just be.

_Turning away from the light  
Becoming adult  
Turning into myself  
I wanted to bite not destroy  
To feel her underneath  
Turning into the light_

I swayed my hips softly to the addictive beat of Bloc Party, listening to the music that at that moment represented me completely. I was changing, I was growing, and I was becoming an adult.

"Oh Bella look at tall and handsome over there. I hope he's studying English." Leanne drawled in my ear.

I looked around the room quickly, not really caring who she had her eye on now but I was curious who her latest obsession was. She had pointed out at least ten different men to me in the past hour, proclaiming them to be 'perfect'.

As my eyes strayed to the direction of the front door, I knew immediately who she was whispering about. A slow smile spread across my lips as I took in his appearance, black jeans and boots, a soft grey silk button down shirt and a scowl. The hungry look in his eyes as he looked at me caused me to bite my bottom lip softly as a small moan of pleasure escaped my mouth; a moan he could no doubt hear.

All the females in the room were entranced by his imposing and glorious figure and a surge of excitement ran through me, knowing that he was all mine. I listened to the words of the song and I shimmied down to the base of the table with my arms in the air, before slowly rising back up.

_She don't think straight  
No, no, no she don't think straight  
She's got such a dirty mind and it never, ever stops  
And you don't taste like her and you never, ever will  
And we don't read the papers, we don't read the news  
Heaven's never enough, we will never be fooled_

_Turning away from the light  
Becoming adult  
Turning into myself  
I wanted to bite not destroy  
To feel her underneath  
Turning into the light_

He slowly stalked towards me like I was prey, our eyes connected the whole time.

"Oh my God, he's coming over." Leanne exclaimed beside me as she wiggled more frantically beside me.

He stopped directly in front of me a look of darkness in his eyes that I wanted desperately to get lost in. I watched in slow motion as his large hands lifted to the front of my thighs before running slowly up to my hips.

"You've been drinking." He observed as my hips continued to move under his hands.

I spun around quickly in his hands, not understanding how I didn't fall. Feeling brave and perhaps stupid, I decided to try a new trick. Following my previous move of sliding right down to the base of the wooden table, I slid slowly back up; this time thrusting my bottom outwards into Christopher's face.

"Only a little." I replied coyly.

I wanted him and tonight, I would have him.

A groan sounded from his lips before his hands tightened on my waist and spun me back around to face him. I was aware that Leanne had stopped dancing beside me and like the rest of the females in the room, was staring unashamedly at the performance we were giving.

He was staking his claim on me and I was doing the same to him.

"We're going home Bella." His voice sounded strained.

"Ok Christopher." I said sweetly in return before I was swept off my feet and flung over his shoulder, my head now looking at his upside down back as my legs dangled over his chest. One if his large hands were wrapped around my ankles, holding me in place as he strode towards the door.

"Bye Leanne." I shouted over his shoulder as I waved with a grin on my face.

"Bye Bella, It was nice to meet you Christopher."

I giggled at his grunted reply.

_And if you feel a little left behind  
We will wait for you on the other side  
And if you feel a little left behind  
We will wait for you on the other side_

_'Cause I'm on fire  
'Cause I'm on fire when you come  
'Cause you know I'm on fire  
'Cause you know I'm on fire so stomp me out_

* * *

I stumbled through to our bedroom, Christopher following silently behind me. "I left my coat." I moaned as I tripped through the doorway.

Turning to face Christopher, a wicked smile filled my face; "Oh well, less clothes to take off I guess."

A look of amusement played on his lips as he watched me try to navigate backwards to the bed. I thought he would have been angry at me for the state I was in; he however, seemed to find it funny and was actually happy that I had enjoyed myself. I never knew where I stood with him.

The look of amusement on his face was quickly replaced with fear and shock as I pulled my top over my head, leaving me to stand in a demure black silk bra.

"What are you doing?" His voice was hoarse as he stood in the open doorway, his arms folded across his chest.

"Getting ready for bed." The innocence in my voice was forced and he definitely knew it.

I let my finger tips trail down my stomach until they came to rest on the silver button of my jeans. Watching him the whole time, I released the circle of metal and slowly slid the metal of the zip down.

His eyes were black as he watched me, his posture tense as though he was fighting himself from pouncing. Placing my palms to my hips, I pressed downwards, sliding the material down my thighs. The art of seduction couldn't have been my thing however, because soon I lost my balance and fell backwards onto the bed, my legs still tangled in my jeans.

"Can you help me?" I groaned as his chuckle filtered through the room.

I watched him silently as he crossed the room to me and placed his cold fingertips against the waistband of my jeans which was located above my knees. He slid the material carefully from my body, his cold touch gliding across my skin. I shuddered in response to his cool fingertips trailing along my skin that strangely burned me from the inside. I was on fire and I knew that the flames would be out of control soon if he didn't douse the flame that was growing within me.

I moaned in impatience as he tugged the denim from my feet and discarded the material to the floor. The only sound in the room was my panting breath as I waited for a silent and still Christopher to rise from his spot at the bottom of the bed. He didn't move for what felt like an eternity though, he just stayed crouched whilst he looked at me in only my underwear; the closest to naked he had ever seen me. I remembered back to the time we left Forks and stayed at a hotel in Seattle; the way his head was twisted away from my indecent image the following morning. There were no signs of his previous gentlemanly behaviour as he took me in now; memorising each aspect of me skin.

I knew I should feel self conscious as he looked at me but I wasn't. Perhaps it was the alcohol in my system that gave me a temporary illusion of confidence, or perhaps it was the look of devotion and desperate need that was in his eyes that reassured me I was beautiful...beautiful to him at least and really that was all that mattered.

I knew if I was to get what I wanted, I had to play it carefully. Sly was never my strong point though and I probably would have been more convincing if I was sober.

"Christopher?" I tried to purr; to sound seductive...I just slurred and gurgled a bit.

He shook his head a little before looking to my face, clearing his head of his hopefully sexual thoughts.

"Yes?" The gravel in his voice sent a shock to the pit of my stomach, flowing the heat other; more sensitive parts of my body.

"I feel weird." I murmured to him, keeping eye contact as I rubbed my legs together a little, trying to control the heat that was building between my thighs.

Worry flashed in his eyes before he moved to lean over my side. "Do you feel ill?"

A wicked smile lit my face that I couldn't control. So much for sly. "No I feel healthy. I'm hot though." I murmured quietly as his eyes narrowed on me.

"Really?" His voice was dry with disbelief. "I'll open a window then."

He moved away from me as though he was going to carry out his threat and my hands caught his shirt. "No." He raised a perfect eyebrow at me in question. "You would cool me down if you just lay beside me." I pouted, congratulating myself at how well I was fooling him. He didn't have a clue about my plans.

His lips twitched slightly and I could see the smile he was trying to suppress. A moment later, he was lying next to me as still as stone; not touching me at all. I scooted towards him a little and he made no move to stop me as I curled up against him.

"You don't feel very hot." He mused.

"I am in certain places." I whispered softly in his ear as I blushed. My confidence levels weren't high enough to prevent that.

He laughed heartily then and the body shook beneath us as I scowled at him. He looked at me then with dark eyes but a smile in place. "Maybe you should have that cold shower we talked about before Bella."

Damn, I was caught. He watched me for a reaction. _Fine, if you want to be like that._

"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me more about your other suggestion." I said sweetly. That did it. His eyes turned black in a second as he gulped and tensed.

"I told you all that I could." He whispered hoarsely.

"Then show me." **(A/N: The lemons sort of start here. Stop reading if you don't like and I will give a brief overview of what you missed at the end.)** I pressed myself against him more firmly, my breasts crushing against his chest. The cold feel of his muscle caused my nipples to tighten to points that were almost painful.

He shot off the bed quickly and was at the other side of the room before I could blink.

"I can't Bella." There was a pleading quality in his tone and I was sure I was close to some sort of victory.

I pouted at him in the darkness. "But I don't know what to do." My act of innocence continued, of course I knew. He knew that I knew but I refused to admit to this particular knowledge. I wanted his encouragement, I wanted him and he knew that also.

I moved onto my back. "I can't keep on like this Christopher, it's almost painful but I don't know how to end it. You have to show me." I whispered continuously, begging him to participate.

"I can't." There was a hint of anger and frustration now.

I remembered his words from the night before. _Just do whatever feels natural._

**(Lemons definitely start here!)**

I trailed my fingers of my right hand over my collarbone and let them glide softly downwards to the valley between my breasts. "I don't particularly know what I like. Will I like it if I do this?" as I asked my question, I let my hand fall to my right mound, cupping it gently in my palm as I swiped my thumb across my hardened nipple. I sucked a breath between my teeth as I felt a wave of tingly pleasure run through the point.

I heard Christopher hiss silently, still hidden in the darkness.

"Or this?" I whispered into the darkness, no longer embarrassed by the show I was giving. I pinched the swollen peak between my thumb and index finger, rolling it slightly as I gasped in pleasure. I felt moisture build in the junction between my thighs as warmth and wetness mixed behind the barrier of my matching black silk panties.

I became lost in the feelings as I lifted my left hand to join my other in its actions, giving attention to my previously ignored breast. My back arched off the bed slightly as currents of pleasure continued to run down the writhing length of my body. It felt electric, surges of power dominating my body.

"Do you like it?" A deep voice broke through the darkness. I had forgotten the purpose of this, it was meant to be an 'act'. I wanted to tempt him, yet at some point it had moved from a show to a necessity. I needed this to be complete, not for him but for me; I couldn't stop if I wanted to.

I hadn't expected him to give up and participate so easily but I could hear the hunger in his voice. Perhaps, like me, he couldn't stop himself either. "Yes." I gasped.

"Please come closer to me, I want to see you." I begged him softly and watched in fascination as he stepped slowly towards me. Watching him watch me, set a new blaze through my body, raising the experience to a new level.

His body was stiff and wary, but he silently obeyed me, walking to my left hand side. His nostrils flared a bit as he took a deep breath.

"I can smell you." He said softly in his hoarse and broken voice. I blushed at his words, suddenly panicked that it wasn't a good thing and my actions stilled. Did I smell bad?

He knelt on the bed beside me and shifted so that he was lying down. His nose nuzzled my ear lightly as he whispered; "It's the sweetest scent I've ever smelt."

I moaned at his words and continued my actions, this time letting my right hand move down my body to the silk of my panties. I rubbed my fingertips lightly over the soft fabric, before letting them dip under the waistband. I felt my wetness immediately, the heat from it almost scorching me. Letting my fingers dip further between my wet lips, I touched on the bud of nerves that seemed to be quivering under my fingers.

"Oh!" I gasped as my back arched a little. Christopher groaned beside me and placed his face more firmly to my hair as though he couldn't bear to watch, but couldn't bear to be away either.

"I'm so wet." I muttered in awe and Christopher made moaned in a slightly high pitched tone. He sounded in pain.

I hadn't said those words to shock him; I had said them because I was shocked myself. Of course I had experienced this natural reaction when we had kissed before, but it had never been so extreme. It surprised me.

Rubbing the swollen numb harder now, my legs started to shake and my breathing came out in gasps. I didn't press my finger into me, knowing that the first thing I wanted to actually enter me; had to be Christopher's. I would save that for him.

As the feelings built in me, making the flutter in my stomach coil and rise under my skin, Christopher began trailing kisses across my cheeks and closed eye lids. I felt his lips touch the pulse point on my neck and trace up to my ear. He took my earlobe into his mouth softly as he blew his breath onto the sensitive area.

"Come for me Bella." His dark tone and the surprise of those words murmured in my ear did it. With one more flick of my fingers, I came undone; arching off the bed and falling into bliss with a silent cry. Once my tense muscles had relaxed and my body had turned to jelly, I pulled my fingers from the hidden confines of the silk.

"I love you." Christopher whispered softly to me and caught my hand in his. I watched with confusion, still unable to form words as he lifted my fingers to his lips and suckled gently. That alone was enough to get me burning again and noticing the look on my face; Christopher gently kissed my palm and chuckled softly.

"Go to sleep, you look exhausted." I started to protest but silenced them quickly with his next words; "we still have tomorrow." He promised.

* * *

**A/N:** I blushed the whole time I wrote the lemons, it was such a weird thing to do and I don't know if I've done them well.

Anyways, for those who didn't want to read the explicit parts, Christopher watched Bella masturbate.

I'm so sorry it took a while to update, my parents have gone on holiday and my boyfriend is staying with me...I've been distracted.lol

Also I was so excited about Breaking Dawn, I could hardly contain myself- am I the only one who is unbelievably disappointed. I loved parts of it but overall, I felt that she threw all the rules out of the window just to shock us. I didn't like that. The plot was certainly unexpected, but to me it was a little disappointing. What did everyone else think? I particularly didn't like the change she made in book two of breaking dawn (trying not to give any spoilers away for those who haven't read it), that just went against twilight completely!

**Anyways, review please and let me know how I did. Criticise if needed but don't be too harsh please.lol**


	5. Broken Hearted Man

**A/N:**

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't updated. My home is being refurbished so my computer is packed away in a box. I went away last week with my boyfriend on holiday which has also set me back. At the moment, I am posting from his laptop which he has kindly leant me for the night so that I can update. I'm not sure when the next post will be, hopefully it will be soon- if he lends me his laptop again.lol

Anyway, I haven't really had time to read through this properly and make sure there aren't any mistakes so it is probably terrible, but I thought I should post it quickly anyway. If there are any, I will come back and fix it after the house is all done and I have my own computer back again.lol

There are no lemons in this chapter and I'm sorry that it's short. I'm sure the final part of the story will get you all excited though.lol

The songs for this Chapter are: _The Mixed Tape_ by _Jack's Mannequin_ and _The Man Who Can't Be Moved _by _The Script_.

* * *

Cold fingertips running along a person's spine is a really nice way to wake up in the morning. Christopher teased my skin with his gentle touch as the sun shone through our window and my hangover made its self known. My head throbbed steadily and Leanne's encouraging voice sang happily in my mind; "Chug, chug, chug, chug."

_Why did I drink so much? Sure it seemed like a good idea at the time..._

Now was my time to suffer for my stupidity. Partials of the night before started drifting through the hazy alcoholic barrier which had formed in my mind.

Drinking.

Telling Leanne about Edward.

Drinking.

Dancing.

Drinking.

More drinking.

Dancing whilst drinking.

CHRISTOPHER.

The memory of him in the doorway of Leanne's apartment hit me like a blast of cold water. The water soon turned to ice however, when memories of my 'performance' flooded back.

_Him- "You don't feel very hot."_

_Me- "I am in certain places." _

_Him- "Maybe you should have that cold shower we talked about before Bella."_

_Me- "Actually, I was hoping you could tell me more about your other suggestion." _

_Him- "I told you all that I could."_

_Me- "Then show me." _

My body stiffened instantly as the words I had uttered came to the surface of my memory. How could I do that? I tried to seduce him; I was demanding and clumsy...and he had watched.

_Oh God._

"Bella, I know you're awake." His soft voice sounded in my ear.

"No I'm not." I groaned, embarrassment more than exhaustion keeping me from opening my eyes.

"Well, your heartbeat has changed, your body has stiffened and you just answered me. How do you explain that?" I could hear the smile in his voice as he teased me and I desperately wanted to turn and see the beauty of it. There was only one thing stopping me; shame. I couldn't face him...ever again.

"I am talking in my sleep again." I murmured, praying for sleep to return and offer me an escape route.

His lips brushed against my earlobe. "I don't believe you."

"Are you calling me a liar?" I demanded. Keeping this discussion going was a necessity. It was definitely a preferable choice to another 'talk' we could have been having. I knew we'd be having it eventually though.

"Please open your eyes." He begged softly as he pulled my hair away from my face.

_How can I say no to him?_

With a huff, I turned to face him and peaked out through lowered lids. His smiling face greeted me. The smell of the ocean assaulted my nose; his signature scent which was obviously heightened by a recent shower.

"You're still damp." I muttered as I snuggled into his cold embrace.

His strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me more securely into his side. "Sorry, I needed a cold shower." He tried to suppress the laughter that accompanied his statement but the gentle shaking of the body beneath my head was a sign of his failure.

I groaned and his stone chest, hurting my hand in the process. _I really should stop doing that._

"How did you find me last night?" I questioned; the only option was to change the subject.

"Alice called and explained the situation. Apparently Leanne was preparing to play strip poker where you would lose all of your clothes." The smile in his voice was suddenly gone. "I couldn't allow that."

Rubbing my sore forehead, I muttered my thanks. With this new piece of information, I decided that I could forgive Alice for withholding information in our previous conversation. _No wonder she was __laughing about the night I had ahead of me._ I would definitely be giving her the silent treatment for a few days though.

"My head hurts." My muffled voice sounded pathetic.

Pressing his frozen fingers to my head, he promised that I'd feel better soon.

"This brings back memories of the last time. You'd think I'd have learnt then."

"I'm glad you didn't. You've never looked so tempting." I blushed crimson at his words; _how could I look tempting?_

"Was that before or after I fell on the bed and got tangled in my clothes." It was supposed to be a sarcastic, rhetorical question but of course, he had to answer.

"Definitely after." Peaking up at him, I noted the large grin on his face.

_There is no way he's going to let me forget this._

* * *

Fresher's week passed quickly and soon I was immersed in essays. Leanne was a real shock to me. I should have guessed her intelligence by the fact that she was also at Harvard, yet I had only been introduced to the party girl. On the first day of lectures however, I was introduced to Leanne; the intellectual. On the first day of lectures when everyone else was too nervous to move, she delved into a debate with our tutor on the limitations of applying the Marxist theory to _Elizabeth Gaskell's; Mary Barton._ To say I was surprised is an understatement.

I successfully managed to divert Christopher from the morning post the week leading up to my birthday with requests for pancakes and other breakfast treats. Alice was correct in her estimation; my first birthday card arrived on Tuesday morning from Angela and Ben. My father had generously provided her with my new address which she later passed on to Mike and Jessica, their respective cards arriving on Thursday.

When confronting Charlie on this breach of privacy, his argument was; "I thought you'd be happy they remembered, kid."

I still had so much to teach him about my wishes. All of my cards were hidden in my book bag each day, a place Christopher never had a need to venture to.

The package from the Cullen's was a lot harder to hide however. At 9am on Friday morning, my phone beeped with a message.

ALICE- It will arrive 9.06am. Soz I got it wrong b4.

Christopher was out luckily under the pretence of needing to hunt. Really he was giving me peace to finish an assignment which was due in on Monday. This piece of good news meant that receiving it wasn't a problem, the size of the package however, was.

Opening the large white box which was wrapped in a blood red bow, I first noticed the large card that sat atop a bundle of wrapped gifts.

_To our darling Bella,_

_We hope you are enjoying college life and are working hard. Although you aren't officially our daughter, we feel as though you are and we are so proud of you. We miss you greatly and we hope to see you soon._

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY!_

_Carlisle and Esme_

_Xxx_

Tears of happiness and nostalgia filled my eyes as I read the noted from my family.

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY! _

_I was really good and only got you one outfit. You will look great in it, (I have perfect taste)! I miss my best friend but I am sure I'll see you soon_

_;-)_

_Alice x_

As usual with Alice, the words were bold and cheerful.

_Happy birthday Bella, how's Harvard? I wasn't sure what to get you but hopefully I chose correctly. Perhaps it will help with your classes?_

_Jasper_

I couldn't help but wonder what he got me. Lifting the package that was marked as being from Jasper, I concluded it was a book of some sort.

_How's my favourite human? Do you have wrinkles yet? HA HA_

_Anyways, Happy Birthday!_

_EMMETT_

_X_

Scowling at Emmett's note I moved on to Rosalie's.

_To bella- happy birthday._

_R_

Short but sweet...unlike Rosalie herself.

_To Bella, I hope you have a very special birthday and that this year brings you the happiness you deserve._

_Nikki_

_Xx_

I took a deep breath before reading the final message. Without taking in the words, I marvelled at the beauty of his handwriting. It was masculine, strong and perfect; the embodiment of Edward.

_To Bella, it's so strange being so far away from you. I tried to control Alice's spending and I think I managed to stop her from going over the top._

_Edward._

That was it.

_That's it? That's all I get?_

He didn't even write happy birthday or place a kiss at the bottom of his message.

Trying to ignore the pang of hurt in my heart, I started un-wrapping my gifts.

I started with Carlisle and Esme's. Tearing the paper, the smiling faces of the Cullen family stared back at me in a solid silver photo frame. A grin lit my face as I compared this true to life image with the memory I had of them. Emmett seemed bigger in the photo if that was possible and everyone glowed with happiness. Everyone except Edward. He had his usual crooked smile on his face but his eyes were lifeless, much like they were before he left me after my eighteenth birthday.

I didn't want to hide this gift. Reaching over, I placed it on my bed side table, deciding to tell Christopher it was a gift and not mention it was actually a birthday present.

Emmett being the comical soul he is decided a beer cap was appropriate with a note saying; _I heard about Leanne. Thought you might need this. Ha Ha_

I was correct in assuming that Jasper had gotten me a book. It was a first edition book of poetry by Sylvia Plath. What made it even more special was that it was signed by her. He also had a note inside the book; _I met her through a friend shortly before her death. I wasn't sure what to give you so I thought I'd pass something on to you that is special to me. I hope you like it._

Rosalie and Nikki joined up to get me a gift; it was a day at a spa for me and a friend. I doubt I'd ever use it.

Lifting the final gift from the box; a blank C.D, a folded letter tumbled to the floor.

_Bella_

It was in Edward's handwriting. _Could this be my real birthday wish?_

Placing the C.D in my sound system and pressing play, I relaxed instantly to the soft sounds of a piano. The soothing sounds filled the room as I moved back to my place on the bed. I started to shake as I unfolded the letter to read and listened to the beautiful music.

_Dear Bella,_

_Please forgive me for the note I left in your card. There are so many things I wish to say and it didn't seem appropriate to say them there._

_First, I want to tell you how much I miss you. Several times, I've found myself moving to my car with the intention of visiting you. I have to keep reminding myself that neither of us is still in Forks._

_Secondly, I want to know if you are happy. I hope you are. I hope Christopher is caring for you as he should and I hope he loving you as you deserve. I'm ashamed that I didn't and I hope that you have found the happiness with him that you could no longer find with me._

_I thought that a C.D of my new compositions would be appropriate as the last one I gave you seemed to be a 'hit'. All the songs are inspired by you, your kindness, our humour, intelligence and beauty._

_I truly hope that you have a wonderful birthday and if you ever need me, please don't hesitate to call. I miss your voice._

_Love always,_

_Edward_

_Xxxxx_

I wiped the silent tears that had fallen from my eyes as I finished the letter. I threw everything under my bed quickly, in case Christopher returned unexpectedly until I could decide where to hide them. I laid back on my bed for a long while, going over the words in the letter and listening to the sounds of his music.

With a sigh, I reached for my phone and dialled the number I knew on instinct. It rang a few times as I held my breath, before his melodic voice met my ears.

"_Hello?"_

My heart bounced in my chest at the sound. It almost jumped out of it when I heard the door slam.

"_Bella?" _Edward's voice called through the phone to me as I snapped the silver communicator closed and plastered a happy grin on my face for Christopher as he bounced onto the bed and engulfed me in a hug

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I stared at the phone in confusion. Why had she hung up? I was about to press the send button to return her call when Alice darted in front of me, snatching my cell phone from my hand.

"I wouldn't do that." She announced. "Christopher came home, that's why she ended the call."

Disappointed flooded my system. _Of course...Christopher._

A cheery smile filled Alice's small face as she bounced in front of me. "Don't look so sad. You'll see her soon!"

With that she placed my phone back in my hand and danced off to her room.

With a sigh, I turned back to the task at hand; packing for my trip to Boston.


	6. ANIm Sorry!

Hi everyone.

I want to start by telling you all how unbelievably sorry I am. I really am sorry for not updating I feel terrible about it. I've noticed more and more PM's in my inbox lately asking what is happening with this story so I thought it would be easier to answer everyone with an A/N.

The reason I haven't updated is because I have a TERRIBLE case of writers block. When I've read that excuse in the past on other people's stories I've always thought 'how hard is it? Just write something!' Well now I know how hard it is and I feel sorry for all those people I've judged in the past.lol I just sit and stare at a blank page. I can't make the simplest sentences make sense, nothing seems funny, nothing seems relevant...everything I write is completely bland.

I do plan on updating the story eventually; I promise you I am trying. I hate leaving things unfinished and I am desperately trying to get something together but I'm really struggling. Thank you for all the support you have given me, it means a lot.

Once again I am very sorry.

Sam

xxx


	7. 6 Footprints in the Sand

**A/N:**

Hey everyone! How much do you hate me? I'm so sorry I haven't updated in months, I've had a serious case of writers block which is still present. I'm not happy with this chapter but it seems to be the best I could do. I'm sorry it took so long but I hope you like it.

The song would probably be, Leona Lewis- Footprints in the Sand.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

"Did you get your work done?" Christopher asked as he nuzzled my neck.

With the grin still forced on my face I turned to face him. "All done, I can relax now. Did you want to do anything today?"

"As long as you're involved I don't mind." His cold breath bounced against my neck and I shivered in response.

"What's that?" He asked suddenly, reaching around me and picking up my new silver photo frame.

"Oh erm..." I was aware of the expression 'deer caught in headlights' as Christopher watched me expectantly. "A present." I mumbled, getting up from the bed and moving into the living room.

Placing myself heavily on the sofa, I lifted a book I was reading for my classes from the coffee table; _Tom Jones _by Henry Fielding. I still couldn't understand how this novel was considered one of the greats or in fact how novels became popular with this being known as one of the first in publication.

"What, they just sent it out of the blue?" His soft voice carried through the room as he joined me on the sofa.

With my head buried in my book I answered calmly, aware that my heart was beating double its normal pace and that he would most definitely note that fact. "Yeah, Alice said it was so that my human mind wouldn't forget them." I added a chuckle for effect and congratulated myself on my brilliance.

"That's nice." His reply was too simple. No more questions, no pointing out the erratic beat of my heart or the fact that my chuckle sounded strangled; he simply reached for the remote and turned the television on.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

"Stop that." I demanded as my hand shot out to restrain Alice's bouncing leg.

Jasper's eyes darkened as they darted towards me and his warning was clear as he said my name. "Edward." '_Leave her alone she's excited.'_

"We all are." I mumbled as I pulled my arm back to my lap and concentrated on blocking the voices from the other passengers from my mind.

'_Did I lock all the windows?'_

'_I do hope Alexandra remembers to water my plants.'_

From across the aisle Emmett's voice boomed. "Do you think she'll look different?"

An aggravated sigh left my lips before I could stop it. "I doubt she has wrinkles if that's what you mean Emmett."

"Well she couldn't look any worse."

Rosalie's mumble forced me to take several unneeded breaths. Even after all the time that had passed she was still jealous and insecure when it came to Bella.

Bella.

Just the thought of her name sent warmth to the core of my body, heating and melting the ice that held my heart. It's a contradiction in terms to say that everyday since she left I have been dying. I died long ago. Yet with the appearance of Bella, with her smile, her warmth, her uncanny and unequalled ability to love and heal the people around her, I was brought back to life. Not a biologically alive creature, but a creature that lived in her love.

A love I no longer had.

A love I had decimated.

My heart which she melted so completely started to cool once more with her leaving.

I had worried over the same things my siblings were now questioning. Would she look the same? We each questioned this and worried. Rosalie's concerns were superficial of course, worried that once again Bella's unique beauty would rival her own.

Although Emmett had joked incessantly about wrinkles and a rough gravel voice coming with her new age, he was worried about her. Just as I was concerned, the two of us questioned if she would look the same. Would she have aged slightly in the past few months? Although the appearance of the slightest change would be invisible to the human eye and possibly to Christopher also due to the amount of time he spent with her, we would be able to tell.

When we arrived, would she already show further signs of the aging process? When I saw her, would I see her dying before my eyes?

Carlisle answered his own fears with his medical knowledge, noting that in such a short space of time, any change would be minute. His calm and calculating mind also acknowledged that it would happen one day.

Alice of course used her gift, watching Bella whenever she could. I wondered silently if she would even notice. Would she be, as no doubt Christopher was, desensitised to the changes?

Jasper had a different concern. Would she still smell as tempting? This didn't bother me as much as it did him. I had spent months missing her; there had been too much distance between us twice now. I knew that she was in no danger from me.

Nikki and Esme surprisingly shared the same concern; me. They both worried what seeing her would do to me. Both suspected that I would be elated during the time I would spend around her, yet with the addition of Christopher's presence they worried about my heart. Would it survive seeing her share her love with another? When we were in Forks, they had each denied their feelings. Now it was out in the open for all to see.

I didn't know what this trip would bring; I just knew that it couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

"What are you doing?" Placing my book on the coffee table I turned to face Christopher. He truly was magnificent. I still found myself recoiling when I looked at him, his beauty, his form, his masculinity catching me off guard. The idea that he was 'mine' still surprised me.

His brow furrowed slightly. "Trying to watch television but its challenging."

It was my turn to be confused. "Why exactly?"

I gasped in shock as the television was suddenly switched off and he was leaning above me in the space of a millisecond. "Because you're beside me."

Not only had he shifted himself but he had also moved me. I was now laying flat against the length of the sofa, his legs resting softly between my own as my right foot dangled towards the floor. The power of his body as it leaned above me was terrifying, it was electrifying, it was everything I wanted.

"And what's so challenging about that then?" I whispered softly, hearing the desperation in my voice as his eyes darkened in want. My heart beat heavily in my chest as I begged him silently to quell the need that was building in the pit of my stomach.

His hands rested on either side of my head as he took in my appearance. "Everything." He growled slightly.

A cold fingertip found its way to my cheek before tracing the line of my jaw. "You have no idea how tempting you are." Leaning down he placed a soft kiss to my lips as I let out a soft moan.

"Your scent." His head dipped to the curve of my shoulder where he softly suckled on my skin, eliciting a yelp of surprise and pleasure from me as my head threw itself back of its own accord.

"Your lips." His tongue teased mine softly, parting them as my own reached out to taste him.

Pulling back slightly, his gaze travelled down my neck to my chest which hid the erratic beat of my heart. "Watching you breathe..." He seemed to gasp this statement.

**_(LEMONS START HERE!!!)_**

His finger came to rest on at the bottom of my throat before tracing a line to the valley of my breasts. "The way your chest rises and falls..." his eyes reached mine again as he spread his fingers over my skin. His next words were shocking, alluring, erotic and were spoken as his hand moved to cover my mound, "I love making you gasp."

"Christopher." His name escaped my lips as his thumb brushed over the swollen peak of my nipple and I watched as he licked his lips whilst stroking my body.

"I've wanted to touch you for so long." He marvelled as his lips attacked mine. I could feel the familiar pool of desire between my thighs and longed to stop the ache that was forming. As if knowing my wishes, wrapping his strong arms around me, Christopher pulled me up against his body. As he sat upright I straddled him, crying out at the feeling as I pushed my centre against one of his thighs.

Tearing his lips from mine, his teeth softly, teasingly nipped at my ear. "I can smell you again." He drawled and it was almost enough to make me come undone. With this new position, both of his hands were free to feel, and as my own hands fisted in his hair, his chose to hold my breasts.

"You are amazing." He whispered softly into my neck as he trailed kisses to my shoulder, his hands never stilling in action.

"Oh." The sound escaped my lips in a breath as his fingertips grazed my side before reaching around me to cup my behind. Pulling me forward slightly, he slowly at first, began to rock my core against the strength of his solid thigh.

Whimpers left my lips as a familiar tingle built in the pit of my stomach. "More." I begged softly as my lips sought his.

"I can't." He gasped, tearing his lips from mine harshly, never stopping the gentle rocking of my hips.

Holding his face in my hands, I leant forward until our noses touched, all the while moaning at the feel of him against me. "I need you to touch me." I begged softly, my eyes searching his.

Then, he stopped.

He just stopped and stared as I gasped to catch my breath and mentally cursed myself for pushing. I had what I wanted. Christopher had lowered some of the boundaries, yet I had continued to ask for more. I had pushed him to the point he couldn't continue.

At least that's what I thought.

A second later the scenery changed. No longer on the sofa, my back now rested against our bed as he loomed over me, an almost feral look upon his face.

He did nothing but stare for what felt like an eternity, and then, carefully, slowly; he reached for my waist, holding me steady with both hands. As I took in his beauty, too shocked and excited to move, his hands moved upwards, peeling my top away. In the gentlest of touches, I was lifted towards him, his lips brushing over mine in a tender kiss and he removed the garment covering my upper body. I felt his finger tips as they brushed over my shoulder blades before gently reaching for the clasp of my bra.

The question of continuing was asked with his eyes and a small nod was all I could manage in answer. All feelings of inadequacy or embarrassment were absent as he took in my form, the look of adoration on his face was all I needed to tell me I was beautiful.

Laying me back down, we laid cheek to cheek for the longest of moments, just feeling our bodies pressed together. "I love you." He whispered softly in my ear, something he had only ever said aloud once before as he fought for my life.

The feel of his lips as they travelled over my body is nothing I can describe. It was ecstasy, it was bliss...it was love. His breath danced against my stomach as his fingers found the waistband of my bottoms, once again asking permission as he removed them and my underwear.

This was the moment I had been waiting for. This would the cementing factor of our love, a seal, a contract in which I would always be his and he would always be mine.

Our harsh breaths were the only sound filling the room, mine through excitement, and his through a battle of control. The tips of his fingers touched my core lightly sending a shock of electricity through my body. The feel of his ice against my fire didn't cool me; it ignited the fire even more. Leaning over me, he stroked, he teased, he caressed; all the while telling me he loved me.

"More." I begged harshly as my stomach muscles began to contract, a sign that my end was near.

Christopher clenched his teeth in response, his fingers picking up in pace as they moved over the swollen nub of flesh which at that moment was the centre of my universe. "I can't. This is all I can manage at the moment." He said softly and I could tell it pained him to say it.

Looking straight into his eyes I promised, "Then it's enough." As the words left my lips a rushing feeling took hold of me, forcing me to cry out in pleasure as my climax was reached.

It was bliss.

As I came down from my high, so did Christopher. I didn't know it was possible for vampire's to shake but he did as he leaned above me, watching me carefully for a response.

"I love you too." I said softly before reaching up and placing a kiss on his lips. "Thank you." I managed to whisper before a relaxing sleep consumed me. Lying wrapped in his arms, a dream of perfection captured me. A dream where we were in love, we were happy and there was no danger of it ending.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

We were finally there. After travelling for hours which felt like years, we had arrived. Standing outside the building in which she and Christopher lived, all I could smell were freesias. She was everywhere, her scent lingering on everything.

"Will you be ok?" I asked Jasper who nodded in reply, his neck straining under pressure. His fear of hurting Bella reassured me, the pressure he was putting himself under would be enough to stop him hurting her. I could have assured him that he was no danger to her, however, if he grew complacent as he had on her eighteenth birthday it would be an entirely different story. I chose to keep quiet, letting his guilt and fear be the tool that protected her.

We took the stairs to the floor she lived on, excitement gripping me as we neared her door.

"_Christopher don't! You promised!" _Bella's voice sounded from the other end of the corridor and although all was silent to human ears my family heard the conversation taking place from her apartment.

A growl was his reply followed by sounds of fast movement. That was all I needed to hear before taking off towards the door, ready to tear him apart for scaring my love.

"Edward don't!" I didn't hear Alice's warning before I had crashed through their front door and looked down on the sight before me.

A sight that filled me nausea and pain.

There Bella lay on the ground wearing only his shirt and a smile as Christopher held her in his arms.

The first sign that this was a lover's embrace was the playful looks upon their faces.

The second was their lack of clothes. Christopher was only wearing a towel after having had a shower.

The third was the scent.

The only smell that could be found in the room was sweeter than freesia's, it was her arousal.

* * *

**A/N:** For people who don't want to read lemons, they didn't have sexual intercourse-their hands did wander


End file.
